“Ryan and Addie sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”
As my husband and I’s 4th wedding anniversary draws near, I find myself, again, looking back on all that we have done in the past several years. We have rented a small cabin in the woods, adopted a senior “dog-ter,” owned our dream vehicles, sold everything and moved overseas, traveled and worked in a foreign country, worked in our dream jobs, bought our first house, and loved more than many do in a hundred years. Our lives have been full of adventure and love, but our arms are still empty.
We find that the longer that we are married, the more curious friends and family become. We often get questioned, and sometimes even interrogated, about our reproductive future. “So when ya gonna start pumping out some kids?” (umm, eww.) Or my personal favorite, “I don’t think you are doing it right. *chuckle*”
At first I would politely say, “Yeah, we just aren’t ready yet,” along with all the reasons why we wanted to wait. But by now, I’m over it. I don’t have patience for their inquiries anymore. I don’t want to explain myself any longer.
Because what if we didn’t want kids? *GASP!*
Because what if either of us were infertile?
Because what if we HAVE been trying?
Because what if I secretly felt a little grief each time my monthly period arrived?
Because what if I was afraid I wouldn’t be a good mother?
Because what if I have an illness that would put a pregnancy at risk?
Because what if we just. aren’t. ready. yet?
Yes, our arms are empty of a tiny human, but they are FULL right now. Full of adventure, traveling, unending love, friendship, late nights, long days, and a sweet senior poodle that is our entire world.
Besides, I am a doula who gets to live vicariously through the families that I support as a doula without babies of her own. And right now that is more than enough for me.