Womb for Rent

“Ryan and Addie sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”

baby freeAs my husband and I’s 4th wedding anniversary draws near, I find myself, again, looking back on all that we have done in the past several years. We have rented a small cabin in the woods, adopted a senior “dog-ter,” owned our dream vehicles, sold everything and moved overseas, traveled and worked in a foreign country, worked in our dream jobs, bought our first house, and loved more than many do in a hundred years. Our lives have been full of adventure and love, but our arms are still empty.

We find that the longer that we are married, the more curious friends and family become. We often get questioned, and sometimes even interrogated, about our reproductive future. “So when ya gonna start pumping out some kids?” (umm, eww.) Or my personal favorite, “I don’t think you are doing it right. *chuckle*”

At first I would politely say, “Yeah, we just aren’t ready yet,” along with all the reasons why we wanted to wait. But by now, I’m over it. I don’t have patience for their inquiries anymore. I don’t want to explain myself any longer.

Because what if we didn’t want kids? *GASP!*

Because what if either of us were infertile?

Because what if we HAVE been trying?

Because what if I secretly felt a little grief each time my monthly period arrived?

Because what if I was afraid I wouldn’t be a good mother?

Because what if I have an illness that would put a pregnancy at risk?

Because what if we just. aren’t. ready. yet?

Yes, our arms are empty of a tiny human, but they are FULL right now. Full of adventure, traveling, unending love, friendship, late nights, long days, and a sweet senior poodle that is our entire world.

Besides, I am a doula who gets to live vicariously through the families that I support as a doula without babies of her own. And right now that is more than enough for me.


7 thoughts on “Womb for Rent

  • July 18, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Hello, My dear friend! Wow! This really touched my heart. I know people who go through the same questions, and weather it is not being able to have kids, not wanting kids, or having too many and wanting to stop….The guilty feelings that they have, and judgement from others they recieve…it is not up to us! God guides us! Opening our arms to wonderful experiences, if they be children or spiritual, or adventures and hobbies. Having a man beside you that loves you, like yours does ;), that supports you, and treasures you….one that has your back when no one else understands…that is a great gift from God. Truely blessed…. that is what i label you! I miss you guys, but i love seeing how God is using you both over seas and here in the states. Wonderful memories are being made! Enjoy!

  • July 18, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    Well said Addie! Having lost a child-I’ve often been questioned by people that didn’t know me very well-why didn’t you have more children? Wouldn’t you want your daughter to have a sibling? Then I have to tell them that she wasn’t an only child and go into more details. This causes heartache for me and usually makes them feel bad or uncomfortable. Thinking before we ask those probative questions is good for all of us.

  • July 18, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    You are awesome!!!!!

  • July 18, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one that feels that way.

  • July 18, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    Well said Addie. As much as I would Iove to meet a “new little Addie or Ryan”, only God know the timing for you two. In the meantime, keep living and loving life. Blessings; Mom

  • July 19, 2016 at 7:57 am

    The decision to have, or not have, children is intensely personal, private, and between you two and God. Don’t forget that we are helping to parent children every day, and you both are awesome at that! Spend this time discovering your gifts and enjoying building your life together.


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